Paranoia

knock knock, open the door! Call the police there are people outside wanting to get in the house. Hurry call the police!!! Look see there they are out there in the street. They have guns!! Call the police. Call the police! See them they are getting closer. Call the police!!!

It was 1am in the morning. The knock was from my son on my bedroom door. He saw men outside our home trying to get in to kill us. No one was out there.

The next day I got up and went to work. I left work early to take him to the county dr. They put him on risperidone. It’s a drug given to people with paranoia. I fight with him everyday to take his meds and its been very unpleasant. I want him to get well.

He has seen one therapist who doubled his dose. It makes him very edgy and he can’t sleep. They also prescribed a benadryl for sleeping. He went yesterday for a physical. He is afraid of the side effects of the drugs. Tomorrow he goes back to the therapist, hopefully they will have the results of all the blood work. It

He doesn’t want to take the drugs. Now his body vomits an hour after he takes them. He wants to be well without the meds. I want him to be well. I’m afraid he is making me sick.

I choose to concentrate my energy on making sure he is okay. My weekends I spend with him. I rarely take any time for me. After I get home from work I get dinner for us. We eat and go for a walk. He takes a shower. Tries to lay down to sleep and can’t sleep. Danny Jason and I are doing the best we can to be patient and understanding. I feel like I’m crawling into a shell. It is scary for me.

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